Listening to X and SEETHING....

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Seriously.
See this little rat here, well I have a bit of an unfortunate condition. I love and I love a lot. I am admittedly not the best at displaying some of the behavior people expect to receive from a rat in love, but what would you rather? A rat that will always love you and be there for you, try to do the best by you? Or a rat that will comfort you in really superficial ways and lead you to believe you are not accountable for the pain she incurs by proxy because of all your self-inflicted bullshit?
I know many of you think I am a preachy annoying little rat. I have been rightfully called self-righteous more than once. This missive will probably receive the same evaluation, but I am so furious, frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad and protective right now that I want people to read this and apply it to specifically my current/potential friendship or acquaintance with them .
I want to make a request and I hope all who read this can get something out of it. Could anyone whom I interact with do me a favor?
If you like many people have an inclination to make really irresponsible and irrational decisions just to maybe spice up your life with some super spicy drama, stop fucking doing that. Don't you see the havoc it creates in the lives around you? How can you exact a massacre and then request that victims of said massacre help you cope with the emotional and mental chaos you are suffering because you were an irresponsible douche? Do you not see how absurd and destructive that is?
This rat has a lot of baggage. Like a fucking lot. Do you ever see people transporting crab shells or produce on those little vespas in the Carribean? You can't even see the person maning the vehicle because there's this 5' by 5' foot mass orbiting them? Well, that is the visual representation of the baggage I carry around. Guess what? I can't hide it, not one bit - it's all around me hanging out all over the place. If I spend the time to get to know you you'll see it in the first few moments, that massive battered string of emotional fuck clanking and clamouring around me. Maybe it's because I can't standto be in a room with you and 3 other people for more than 20 mins, maybe it's because I told you what I was "really thinking", maybe it's becuase you've known me for more than oh, lets say a month but you'll see it there plain as uglymorningafteronenightstand day.
You can see that on me, and yeah like does attract like. This rat is doing her best to lock herself away from the public so as not to meet new ones. Maybe even get to where I can maintain the amount of like it has attracted to a managable number. But Christ on a crutch, if your whole schtik is drama after heartache, after overdose, after fight, after DRAAAAAMMMMA - just please, go away. You are right this rats life was once that but that was a long time ago. Every once and awhile I make a boneheaded move too. But that's not the mainstay of my life, trauma is no longer how the timeline of my life is marked. I aim to keep it that way...
Please, if you want me to love you. If you want to reap the benefits of my little rat freindship? Knock all that shit off. Jesus, just do it for yourself.
And if you can't, then just go away. Harsh, yes. Are you reading this going is she talking about me? I'm not even gonna lie - maybe I am. I wouldn't be putting this into a public forum if it was directed at one person only, right? But shouldn't YOU know that? I mean if your life is as above described then this little request for reprieve from exposure to that shitshow can't be your biggest problem.
I guess that's about it, oh and I can't wait to see you again!!! I've got the newest, juiciest gossip - you'll just never believe who diedliedcriedstarvedshotupsmokedcrackcheatedstolebeatdownbeatupsworegotsickgotcleanlostthierkidlostthierdogeatadick......XOXOXO... BARF.

Edit: I am also no longer on my medication.

Your attention span has got nothing on my indecicevness

Howdy Dear Internet Readers!!!!


***Berst A Ball: MUSIC!!!!

In case you didn't know Rats LOVES music!!! In spite of this rats near crippling fear of everything, music is the one thing that makes her crawl out of the safe places she spends her days/nights to the crowds and subsequent emotional hysteria that you humans display during musical events.

The first of Rats' musical adventures as of late was Willie Nelson. He played Massey Hall a bit ago with Ray Price who's voice is like delicous melty butter with brown sugar and bourban, for real.
They had another guy open for them who was all over the news. I admit to being impressed that said individual had their penis in the worlds sexiest whatever but, well...
IF you are trying to establish yourself as a musician after already having been recognized and lauded internationally for another vocation, then do that. Play music, don't bore me by defending yourself for 20 minutes of your set. On the upside of that Stuart Daniel Baker was part of Billy Bob "boring the fuck out me"'s back-up band. I know him as Unknown Hinson and he rules.
Wille has nothing to prove to nobody. He will sing and play as Johnny Cash did, to his grave. He knows his well respected place in musical history is established , but he is hard working and gracious enough to play on for folks (like me) in his later years. Thanks Willie.
Whether or not you should go see him (ticket prices ain't cheap)? It depends on what you expect out of Willie. This isn't the mid-seventies. The wild recklessness of the red-haired stranger doesn't define his onstage persona. It still exists in a different way : a change of lyric during one song "Mama don't let your cowboys grow up to be babies." implied (to me at least) his personal apprehension/distaste for the cowboys of today or tomorrow.I hear that Willie!!!
Yet, if you are interested in the mechanics and style of guitar playing - the man plays like very few others -that alone is a sight to see...also a sight to see is Willie singing his songs with the voice he has now, not 30 years ago.He still hits all the right spots, though the notes maybe different.

Next up was Nomeansno
This is the way that goes:

Reasons I Love Nomeansno: 1. They shred 2. They are very fucking old and do nothing to hide that, do nothing to apologize for that and are honestly a few folks that make being old in all it's facets look like the bestest thing ever. 3. They dedicate songs including lyrics about child molestation (please read ) to today's irresponsible and arrogant CEO's, which puts the destruction/devatstation of self-indulgence into a horrifying but accurate comparison. 4. They have Potty Umbrella as thier opening act. First time I ever heard of these guys. Ican't say they are a new favourite, maybe in time. But they put on a hell of a show and have convinced me ending your set with an electro/punk cover of "Higher Ground" is the only way to do it really....
I am really tired now, or maybe just having lil bit of an anxious moment, but that's what I got for now. Soon come: Update on moremusicmeplayinglivemusicmakingyourowngranolabarsandbreadhowmuchcouldawoodchuckchuckifourmotherseverreallygaveafuckpeaceratsOUT.


***secretlinktoninjasonikwiththeknotthec

One of them there days

These things we put so much energy into can seem so pointless at times. There are days when I feel utterly helpless and everything I do -write, sketch, whatever, serves no purpose. For all the analysis, criticism, thought and care we put into the this stuff, it's just a dumb hobby. Nothing I ever wrote, or art I created has stopped a neighbourhood from being sold out, or a friend from dying, or a shit law from being passed. Those are the days when punk shows generate fights and gossip. These are the days that no one means anything they say. Ever have one of them days?

Though sometimes I can't help but feel I am doing a good thing. Maybe even if nothing amazing comes from the things I create, I am living like I wanted to in the first place -like I've already won. Damn! I just don't know how to say it.
Even on those great days though, kids are starving, guns are being bought with money from cocaine harvested by wage slaves serving under a dictator put into power in some third world country to monitor the economic interests of a much larger, whiter, industrialized nation -a nation which keeps its people busy with meaningless shit jobs to keep the illusion of prosperity under capitalism intact!
Er, yeah... ever have one of them days?

Apple Crumb Cookies

Ingredients:
1/2 cup unsalted butter
50 mL brown sugar
50 mL white sugar
2 mL baking soda
1 ripened banana
1 cup flour
5 mL vanilla
1/2 cup julienned dried apricots

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.
2. In a large bowl, mash together butter, banana, vanilla and apricots. Add sugars.
3. In a seperate bowl, sift together flour and baking soda. Combine with the fruit and butter mixture.
4. Spoon onto a greased baking sheet and bake for 8-10 minutes.

Disclaimer

The Monkey: hyperemotional, capricious, guileful, self-indulgent, immature, insecure, indifferent, careless, naive, petty and grabby scene-stealers.

I started a truth book today. But I haven't been able to write anything in it. I start to write something down and then I realize it is a lie or an exaggeration, or that I have changed the truth somehow-softened it, stretched it, made it easier to swallow. I realize that I don't even know what the truth is. I've pretended so long, made myself into what others wanted for so long, hid from myself so long, that I have lost the truth, just like I lost myself.
"Think of all the ways there are to lie and I'll have done every one of them. Pretending to like something because someone else does. Evading a question. Saying only part of what I believe. Not saying anything at all. Shaping my words to fit what I know will be acceptable. Smiling when someone pretends to be funny. Looking serious when my thoughts are elsewhere. Agreeing when I haven't even thought things through. Invoking drama or feigning disinterest in order to avoid talking about something I'm not sure of.
And I don't know where it ends. I have to try to think of one thing I have done that was for free."
~The Monkey