Disclaimer

The Monkey: hyperemotional, capricious, guileful, self-indulgent, immature, insecure, indifferent, careless, naive, petty and grabby scene-stealers.

I started a truth book today. But I haven't been able to write anything in it. I start to write something down and then I realize it is a lie or an exaggeration, or that I have changed the truth somehow-softened it, stretched it, made it easier to swallow. I realize that I don't even know what the truth is. I've pretended so long, made myself into what others wanted for so long, hid from myself so long, that I have lost the truth, just like I lost myself.
"Think of all the ways there are to lie and I'll have done every one of them. Pretending to like something because someone else does. Evading a question. Saying only part of what I believe. Not saying anything at all. Shaping my words to fit what I know will be acceptable. Smiling when someone pretends to be funny. Looking serious when my thoughts are elsewhere. Agreeing when I haven't even thought things through. Invoking drama or feigning disinterest in order to avoid talking about something I'm not sure of.
And I don't know where it ends. I have to try to think of one thing I have done that was for free."
~The Monkey